“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.”
To Fear Or Not To Fear:
Pre-pandemic, I was with my mom visiting Disneyland. She hadn't been in years, so taking her on the new rides and showing her all the changes was exciting. I convinced her to go on a drop tower ride, Guardians of the Galaxy: Mission Breakout. She hated it and said to me, "You like that ride?! You're afraid of everything." She couldn't believe her daughter, who worried about many things, could enjoy a thrill ride.
My mom wasn't wrong in her observation. However, I've done plenty of things in my life that might scare the living daylights out of some people. Here's a list of some of the incredible things I've done over the years:
Flew over China
Hiked a volcano
Hung out with wild monkeys
Snorkeled in the deep ocean
Traveled solo in a foreign land
Cage diving with Galapagos Sharks
Skinny dipped in a waterfall
Noting my adventurous spirit helped me tremendously to see that I could be brave. Another thing that helped is scheduling "worry time."
Worry Time: This is where every day I sit and journal about everything I'm worried about. I resisted this practice because the instructions were to go for 5-10 minutes daily. I thought it would take much longer to write everything down. So, the first time I did this exercise, I gave myself 15 minutes. And guess what? After 8 minutes, I struggled to come up with more things to write about.
It's important to note that we could have a million things going right, but one or two things might make us feel like we aren't cool, brave, strong, pretty, etc.
Fear affects us all to varying degrees, and you can apply similar principles to overcoming whatever holds you back from living a fulfilled life.
Mission Breakout:
The key to reducing worry is a real sense of safety. The experiences listed above had safety measures built in. I wasn't guaranteed to come out of these activities in one piece, but the safety precautions or boundaries in place made me feel confident in taking these risks.
And, they say how you do one thing is how you do everything. So, I realized I have difficulty being brave around people or situations with weak boundaries.
This introspection taught me to seek out people, jobs, and relationships with better-defined boundaries. I thrive on defined boundaries because I no longer feel like I have to be out there protecting a rickety fence. Instead, I can work on creative expression projects that are exciting and fulfilling.
Safety allows me to show up fully, which involves taking greater risks.
But why? People visible and exposed to the public risk criticism from those around them who play small and stick to certainty. They might trigger self-doubt, cause us to retreat, and give up on our soul-driven dreams. You can see that there's a lot of newfound self-esteem and confidence at risk.
It's painful when we grow and then contract (or go backward). So, our only option is to continue going forward into the unknown.
How To Take Greater Risks:
Identify why you're hesitating. Where are you stuck? What feels unsafe?
Look to see if your perceived threats are real or imaginary.
Stress can actually save your life if you are in physical danger. However, they likely cannot help you if you're in perpetual emotional turmoil. You cannot fight fire with fire in this case.
Counter your limiting beliefs if imaginary.
This part is tricky, but flip your belief and find evidence of the contrary. For example, I thought I wasn’t brave, so I wrote a list of all the brave and adventurous things I've done. The ego cannot counter facts and will slowly begin taking on a new, more empowering belief.
Schedule "worry time" and see your fear for what it truly is - small.
Create safety or boundaries where needed.
Take action and make a decision. Is this something you can pursue?
Get support if needed.
Final Thoughts:
Boundaries are important as they help me dive into projects with my passion and creativity flowing. The next time you feel stuck, see if weak boundaries are the cause.
It can be foolish and reckless to take giant risks blindly. Even people who hike Everest spend months of planning and preparation to seek the thrill of hiking the tallest mountain on Earth.
This is not to say that analysis paralysis should stop you, either. Just educate and prepare enough so that you feel confident knowing you did the best you could. Or, at the very least, work with someone with the training and education required.
You don't need to know it all if you work with those who have the necessary education and training. This is why many mountaineers work with sherpas or guides as they successfully climb some of the highest mountains on Earth. Using a guide, coach, or mentor can help you get started before you’re ready.
Now, go out there and take greater risks.
Amor y Canela,
Monica
