“To share your weakness is to make yourself vulnerable; to make yourself vulnerable is to show your strength.”
An Introduction to Vulnerability:
Vulnerability is one of the most difficult concepts to understand. It’s clear that no man is an island and that we prosper when we’re united. But it’s also clear that being open around the wrong crowd can have unintended consequences that can set our progress back years.
So, we know that vulnerability is important, but how do we effectively navigate vulnerability?
I thought I had been vulnerable for years. I was open and communicating, but I didn’t feel more connected to people. I felt more disconnected. So, what was I doing “wrong?”
Let me break it down for you in a few steps below. After years of doing it “wrong,” I finally learned how to do it in a way that felt much more connected.
Steps to Vulnerability:
INTENTION- When you want to vent, be careful with how you vent. I know this sounds odd, but some kinds of venting can lead to re-triggering or re-traumatization*. It’s like the event is happening over and over without relief. The mind is very powerful and uses imagery to create understanding and meaning. And the mind has difficulty differentiating between what’s real and what’s imaginary.
Want proof? Have you ever watched a terrifying movie and noticed your heart racing? It’s a movie, yet you had a very real bodily response.
It would be extremely helpful to go in to gain clarity when you vent. We sometimes float ideas around so much that they become increasingly distorted and confusing. It helps to bounce ideas off of another human being or a group to GAIN CLARITY. And also, it’s important to OWN YOUR TRUTH.
NOTE on Trauma: When I talk about trauma, it can be so small that it still manages to leave a painful footprint on your mind or body. Events don’t have to be catastrophic to create trauma. But worry not…you can heal the smallest or largest traumas. Yes, you’re that powerful!
2. After you’ve gained clarity, figure out what you need. And, if you’re anything like me, it can be difficult to figure this out. I didn’t know what I needed, but knew what I didn’t want. For example, I knew I didn’t want insomnia, so I flipped it. I wanted a good night’s sleep.
At this point, figuring out how to solve the challenge isn't necessary. The only necessary thing is to IDENTIFY YOUR NEEDS.
3. SUPPORT- Find a supportive person or group of people. I often found myself venting to people who were unsupportive, judgmental, and critical. I was already those things to myself, and I unintentionally found people to amplify that voice vs. pivoting in a new direction - which is the ultimate goal.
I found it extremely helpful to find support systems outside of my family. The thing about family is that the same things oftentimes trigger us. We might have very different responses to the triggers, but I learned that we were ultimately affected by the same things.
Seeking support from a group that is NON-JUDGMENTAL, OPEN, HONEST, and NOT TRIGGERED by your experiences will help tremendously.
You also don’t want people who will agree with everything you say either. It’s important to find people who will give you open & honest feedback that might not be what you want to hear but will ultimately lead you down the path of growth and evolution.
*These steps don’t necessarily have to go in order the first couple of times.
Closing Thoughts:
The more vulnerable you get, the more complexities emerge. As always, there are more things to learn along the way. You might have to practice things like boundaries or how to become a better listener. That’s OK. Stay on course.
These three starting points will set you on the most supportive path toward your growth. And it’ll take effective vulnerability to get you there. I believe in you!
Amor y Canela,
Monica
