“How much you love yourself and how you feel about yourself are directly proportionate to the quality and integrity of your word.”
I recently re-read “The Four Agreements” by Don Miguel Ruiz. This book discusses the four things we must do to live a prosperous and authentic life. The very first agreement is to be impeccable with your word.
Agreement 1: Be impeccable with your word: speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourself or others or to gossip about others. Use the power of the word in the direction of truth and love.
And meditated on the question, “How am I impeccable with my word?”
I sat for hours and came up blank. I couldn’t think of an answer. So, I reached out to my coach for support. We discussed that being impeccable with my word isn’t about always getting it right. It’s just as much about figuring out why I didn’t get it right in the first place. That’s what this post is all about.
How I Am Impeccable With My Word:
I prioritize speaking honestly about my current state because it aligns with my commitment to being impeccable with my word. There are instances when this commitment leads to positive outcomes and unexpected opportunities, even when anger is present. However, sometimes, I fall short of being impeccable with my word, typically when I set unattainable goals. These goals become unattainable due to the narratives I construct, the significance I attach to perfection, the lack of clarity in my objectives, and the obstacles that arise. In such cases, I recognize the importance of seeking additional support to overcome these challenges and continue my journey.
My Story:
My parents were originally immigrants to this country, and every decision we made as a family could have severe consequences. Although my parents had Green Cards for most of my childhood, mistakes could revoke the privileges they were granted.
Here are some of the rules for maintaining a Green Card:
Obey the laws of the United States;
File income tax returns and report income to the Internal Revenue Service (IRS) and state taxing authorities;
Support the democratic form of government and not attempt to change the government through illegal means; and
Register with the Selective Service (only applicable to males aged 18 through 25).
My parents filed their taxes on time and didn’t get tickets…they dotted their eyes and crossed their t’s. Despite their efforts, they lived under the constant shadow of potential deportation, a deeply unsettling prospect for me as I relied on them for my well-being.
During my middle school years, my parents successfully obtained American citizenship. Despite this milestone, we still grapple with a fear of making mistakes. However, we've learned that living in perpetual fear is not the way to embrace life's possibilities.
Despite these challenging moments of self-doubt, I've realized that nothing in life is permanent, not self-criticism. My journey is one of continual growth and self-love. The areas where I may falter in being impeccable with my word are opportunities for profound transformation and personal development.
Impeccability has so much to do with loving myself, and that begins with self-forgiveness.
And, understanding my story is the first step on that journey!
Making An Agreement:
I set a goal to drink 64 oz of water a day. So, I prepared, and I got an app. And I've “failed” to meet my goal every single time. I felt so bad every time I made a mistake because mistakes were unacceptable according to my belief system.
I learned that failing to meet a goal is not a sign of a broken agreement. Rather, it’s an invitation to look at where my resistance lies and find creative solutions to overcome a hurdle in my wellness journey. And I’ve decided that curiosity and open-mindedness will be my new strategic tools.
I've tried a couple of things. What else can I try? One solution: infusing water with fruits to add a fun twist! —> The journey to impeccability can be a fun & creative experience :)
I will make mistakes and not meet my goals. The point is to align myself with impeccability every opportunity I get.
Final Thoughts:
In summary, achieving impeccability happens more often when I have accountability partners or coaches with whom I engage regularly. These individuals provide valuable external perspectives that help me identify and overcome the obstacles that may impede my progress when I struggle to self-support.
Through accountability, I've healed a deep rift between my mom and me, and I wrote a letter to my dad to release the past stories that I held. I asked for support. That support allowed me to turn my natural desire to criticize myself into an opportunity for self-love and a loving relationship with my family. And that is the beginning of true impeccability, a genuine willingness to love (myself and those around me).
Your Turn
Get curious and investigate why you do the things you do. SPOILER ALERT: You aren’t stupid, lazy, or a failure. Ask for support if you’ve struggled with something for a long time. I worked with a coach and a therapist to understand this story better.
Understanding opened the door to the beginnings of forgiveness & self-love. And that’s a truly beautiful way to live!
Amor y Canela,
Monica
