“You always face the greatest struggle, the greatest opposition, the greatest discouragement right before the breakthrough.”
Breakdowns & Breakthroughs:
Before starting my personal development journey, I had a breakdown very infrequently. I dreaded them. And now that I've been on this path for over a decade, I have them more often. That sounds like a head-scratcher, right? That’s because I’m facing things and healing them quicker than before.
If you're investing in your emotional well-being, you will likely experience more breakdowns. But it’s not what you think. From the outside, your family and friends might look at you like your life is falling apart. I'm here to tell you that it's probably not true.
Think about when you first started washing your face as a teenager. You probably broke out even more than before. You began cleaning deep in your pores and bringing all the gunk out. That gunk irritated your skin on the surface, but on a deeper level, your skin became cleaner than ever.
The same concept applies to personal growth. It isn't all mala beads, essential oils, and meditation pillows. There is a lot of challenging emotional work to be done. And the more you defer doing the inner work, the longer it'll take. Repression buys you time, but you'll eventually get to the point where your emotions become so strong that you explode.
The beauty of this work is that there is bliss on the other side. And this is true for virtually any traumatic experience that a person will live through. Just ask holocaust survivor Dr. Edith Eger. She was often on the cusp of death in a concentration camp in Nazi Germany. She survived the most atrocious cruelties imaginably, and after so much growth and healing, she found love and gratitude on the other end. Her saving grace was showing kindness to others, even in the most trying of times.
That's what breakdowns offer us: the opportunity to experience emotional healing and freedom by confronting things that are not easy.
What Causes Breakdowns?
There are so many things that cause breakdowns. They could be caused by:
Trauma
Not doing what you said you'd do
Others are not doing what they said they would
Unmet expectations
Broken boundaries
Misunderstanding
Disrespect, etc.
The common thread between these examples is the BREAKDOWN of expectation. We have the idea if we are good or right, things will happen our way. And that's not true. Good things happen to bad people, and bad things happen to good people all the time. Life can be quite unpredictable. This doesn't mean we are powerless in creation or manifestation.
We don't pray for the waves to stop coming when we're in the ocean. We learn how to ride them better. And that is what breakdown offers us: the opportunity to live fully within ourselves no matter what we face.
Breakdowns allow us to release our expectations and clear the space for something better than we had before. We learn to stop qualifying our experiences as good/bad or fair/unfair. It might be true that your experience was unfair, but what good will it do us if you focus on changing the entire world to create fairness? It's exhausting.
Instead, look within and notice what happened. They ask the following questions:
What's next?
How can I prepare?
What do I need to ask for?
Who can I reach out to for support?
Final Thoughts:
Breakdowns are opportunities for breakthroughs. Growth does not happen in our comfort zones; the more uncomfortable we are, the more opportunities become available. It's almost impossible to have a breakthrough when we are comfortable. So, the next time you feel uncomfortable, remember how close you are to a breakthrough. Emotions can be intense, so take care and seek support.
There is no shame in needing support. Looking at the most successful people they all have support. And not all support is created equal.
Just because people are in your vicinity or your family tree doesn't mean they will give you generous support. Those people are sometimes the worst at being supportive because the same things often trigger them. They will tell you to stop or shut up. They will inadvertently silence your pain because it activates the pain within them that they do not want to feel. They are not bad people; they cannot hold your hand as you experience hard emotions because they are too scared to go there. Bless them and send them love. Then, find courageous people who are loving and willing to go there with you.
Remember, you're only a moment or a conversation away from your next breakthrough.
Amor Y Canela,
Monica
