“Going inward. That’s the real work. The solutions are not outside of us. Get to know who you really are, because as you search for the hero within, you inevitably become one.”
Checking-In
2020 was challenging, to say the least. Perhaps it was challenging for you too. The pandemic was one of the most significant disruptors of life that we've collectively experienced because of its length and global reach. Some people have found ways to live and thrive, while others have patiently waited for the storm to pass.
And even those who are living without care might be doing it as a way to numb from the idea of their impermanence because it's scary as shit to wake up and realize that none of us will be here one day. However, I think that eventually, we become ok with our mortality.
But imagine someone who's overcome a significant period of challenge or transition and is ready to start living, only to realize that they have no clue what lies in the vast unknown ahead? Is there time to start?
Disconnection is a preferred coping mechanism for many as it creates a false sense of space. The problem is, if you're numbed out at the wheel, you might not notice which opportunities are in front of you. So it becomes a disempowering coping mechanism.
A Disconnected World
Before 2020, we were addicted to technology. When we were at dinner, we checked our phones. When we were in the restroom, we checked our phones. When we were at parties, we checked our phones. And now that we've gained a world full of screens and Zoom calls, we've realized how blah life is without in-person human contact.
As human beings, we discovered collectively how lonely we'd been all along. Tech masked that loneliness by filling in the awkward spaces within us with flashy colors, exciting headlines, and influencers traveling the world. We've been living vicariously because it's safer to live through someone else's experiences than to have our own. But we could look at a million pictures of banana bread, and it's not as fulfilling as savoring a warm loaf for ourselves.
We go online, and it's like a pacifier for people of all ages. And then we wake up to see that we're not any more comfortable or connected, and life has slipped us by. Our loved ones are older, we're older, and we haven't enjoyed life much.
What I learned About life:
I wish that I could tell you that you’re going to be absolutely fine, but life doesn't offer us that kind of certainty. Surprisingly, over the course of humanity (and time itself), everything seems to work out how it's supposed to work out, for better or worse. And the more we are kind to one another, the less we have to suffer.
Remember: the world we are living in now was the dream of people long ago. Think about it people died of infected splinters or diarrhea in the past. And now these things are minor discomforts. We have so much to be grateful for and improve in this collective experience that we call life. Hopefully, someday, things like cancer will soon become minor discomforts too.
Here are some of the big takeaways that I've gained in the spring of 2021:
Life doesn't have to be meaningful at all times for it to be a good life.
We go to work or the dentist and have experiences that are sometimes more mundane than fulfilling. And in the middle of your hustle-and-bustle are speckles of joy and satisfaction - that perfect cup of tea on a winter's night, your niece's smile, the fantastic vacation pre-pandemic.
It’s important to process our experiences.
It's ok to be sad or scared about various things. While it's not healthy to dwell on our thoughts and emotions, it’s essential to process our emotions (in -> out). This will lighten our emotional load and help us savor the present moment.
We get to choose how we feel. Even when a wave of emotional discomfort is swallowing us, we can tell our minds that we no longer want to spend time worrying about something we cannot control. Be patient because it can take many times before your mind feels safe and wants to focus on something new.
Living in your comfort zone will not shield you from experiencing pain.
Life is impermanent.
Life is a one-way street, from birth to death. And we're only here for a finite period. If we're lucky, we'll make it to old age, but we can't afford to wait till we make it to a certain age to feel comfortable living. We'll miss out on the experience if we wait. Additionally, there's a difference between heartfelt patience and procrastinating out of fear. Sometimes, you'll have to be patient to make things happen, and that's ok because you'll still be working on bringing meaningful things into your life.
The more authentically connected we are, the more we can overcome life's challenges. The loss of people, places, and things can cause pain, but connection and support are the antidote to pain.
The only way to know what work you've got to do is by facing it.
It can be overwhelming to step on a scale after years of not looking. Remember: doing it all at once and on your own is probably impossible. Take your time.
You'll see your life and have a newfound awareness of what you could've done differently in the past. But some of you were on autopilot and truly did your best. You cannot change the past, but you can use your awareness to empower your future.
We are stronger than we know.
So many of us have endured profound challenges and found inspiring ways to continue living.
Setting intentions is great, but getting stuck on the results is harmful.
Our lives end up looking vastly different than what we wanted. All things can be catalysts for growth.
A drunk driver killed the 13-year-old daughter of the woman who created Mothers Against Drunk Driving, and she made it her life's purpose to make sure that other mothers don't have to experience the pain she went through. She found a deep sense of purpose and agency in her pain, knowing that she won't prevent all drunk driving fatalities. Still, she can significantly reduce them through education and awareness.
Final Thoughts:
In life, we work so hard to create symbols of permanence by purchasing houses or getting married, but we forget that everything is impermanent.
How we live our lives is entirely up to us. The goal is to be able to process emotions without drowning in them. It's one thing to experience grief and another to be consumed by it. The more we can move through things in the community (either with healers, therapists, coaches, relationships, etc.), the more collaborative the world around us will become.
Life is not supposed to be easy, and at the same time, it's fun and joyful. We must learn to accept the contrast to savor life in its entirety. Our job is to pass the torch to the next generation, who will take over when we're gone.
When we're scared, we tap out. And as uncomfortable as it may be, we have to start tapping in. While we might not get to see the fruits of our labors, future generations will have to worry less about trauma work and more about personal fulfillment if we do the work now.
They're counting on us, so let's pass the torch of healing instead of the torch of fear. Let's empower the future instead of disempowering it.
Now, let’s go live!
Amor y Canela,
Monica
