“Unease, anxiety, tension, stress, worry – all forms of fear – are caused by too much future, and not enough presence. ”
A Layered Experience:
Humans are like onions. Our personalities include layers of experiences, sadness, joy, masks, love, fear, stress, etc. It's a mixed bag of beauty and pain that makes up the totality of who we are. Many of us live on the surface because we don't know how to dissolve the layers that block us from being joyful and surrendered human beings.
Some of us felt our trust and safety were threatened as kids, and we've worked hard to feel safe again. We use different methods like numbing, distraction, repression, and healing to achieve this. If you look at the physical and emotional abuse we inflict on one another, it's clear that we live on a planet that needs healing in the present moment.
Our True Fear:
Underneath every single one of our fears is the fear of death. If you think about it, you might start with, "I'll lose my job, and then I won't be able to afford my house, food, or health insurance. And then I'll die."
Or, "I'm too needy, so my boyfriend will break up. I'll be lonely and unapproachable. No one will want me. And then I'll die alone."
You can walk through your fears and realize that death is at their depths. But is it death we are afraid of, or is it dying with unfulfilled potential? Or are we afraid to regret the paths we were too scared to take?
The Ego & the Comfort Zone:
People often describe cemeteries as a vast collection of untapped potential. This is because many of us stay within our comfort zones for most of our lives, making it difficult to venture into the unknown when we don't feel secure.
Many of us put significant effort into controlling our environments because we struggle to manage our emotions. We do this because we fear our emotional reactions might push people away if something disrupts our emotional balance.
The ego often urges us to stay within our comfort zone because it believes fewer unknown factors exist in familiar territory. In familiar surroundings, we may become less vigilant, and in certain respects, our comfort zone can be riskier than the unknown.
It's important to remember that, like everyone else, even the most confident and successful people are human beings with limited lifespans. We're unlike other Earth creatures because we grasp the vastness of the universe and the fact that our lives are finite. Despite our impressive achievements, like building pyramids and exploring space, we still die.
The Emotional Struggle of Minorities:
Death can often appear unnerving and unsupportive, particularly for women and minorities who have historically felt excluded from a life filled with passion and purpose. It's disheartening for many of us to reach the end of our lives only to realize that we've spent most of it caring for others rather than truly living. When we believe we lack control over our destinies, we often cope by becoming preoccupied with supporting others instead - this is what it means to be codependent.
Consider Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., an African American who paid the ultimate price for advocating radical ideas such as love and equality. While his life story is far from simple and cannot be reduced to a single sentence, the essence of his existence was a commitment to living a life driven by passion and purpose, even though it ultimately led to his tragic death.
There's a lot at stake. And we live in a world ruled by ego, control, and playing small to survive.
Transcending Death:
None of us want to think of our impermanence. We want big houses, marriages, statues, or wings in hospitals named after us because we want to feel like we matter. We experience pain, joy, and love, but what is it all for if we die anyway? That's the question many of us have been avoiding.
To transcend the fear of death, we can:
Widen our perspective while enjoying each day's simple pleasures. These moments might include hearing birdsong, smelling wildflowers, feeling the ocean water on our feet, or sharing a heartfelt embrace.
Living so fully, we come to appreciate the impermanence of life as a gift. Consider that if life were eternal, what motivation would we have to achieve extraordinary feats like moon exploration, medical advancements, or the development of meditative practices?
Find inspiration in the continuous cycle of life and renewal in nature. While death is an inevitable part of existence, it's important to see that it's a natural process, much like the cycle of life in a garden, where death nourishes the soil for new life to flourish.
Cherish the present moment and find hope in the next generation, symbolized by kids and baby animals. They remind us of our responsibility to work towards a fairer and safer world and embrace the beauty and joy of the here and now.
Adopt a broader perspective on life and death, emphasizing that when we zoom out and contemplate the vastness of the universe, we can find solace in the natural cycles of creation and destruction.
Below is a picture of the Milky Way Galaxy. Stars are being born, and others are blowing up. This broader perspective can help us navigate the uncertainties of life and death and find comfort in the idea that everything will ultimately be okay.
The Milky Way Galaxy
While it's true that our lives could end at any moment, the greatest tragedy is living in constant fear of death and reaching old age without truly enjoying and savoring the present. Life is a tapestry of happy and sad moments.
So, knowing what we know, what can we create from now on?
Final Thoughts:
There are still so many questions. What happens after we die? Do we keep our memories and experiences with us? Do we become nothing? Do we get reincarnated? Are we living in a simulation? No one truly knows.
How do I release expectations and start living from this point on?
The best advice I've heard is to live our lives the best we can - by appreciating what we have, spending time with those we love, and being kind as often as possible.
I learned that love and rebirth are underneath stress, ego, and death. It starts by releasing distractions and expectations and becoming present - all while receiving so much guidance and support that allows you to chart a new path on your beautiful journey ahead.
Amor y Canela,
Monica
